Wednesday, December 16

The Corn Experiment

WARNING: Not for the SQUEAMISH!!!!!
Snedy From Omaha and Brett From Utah decided they would try a little experiment where they only ate corn for a few days to see if they would poo only corn since corn doesnt digest in your system. Heres what happened, Brett From Utah made a log of his daily experiences and the end will be followed with his photos. Sorry if you vomit.


Prologue to Corn Experiment.
So Jonathan Snedaker and I were talking, and he brought to my attention a question: What would happen to your poop if you ate nothing but corn? We decided to find out. My hope was that with nothing to attach to, the corn would merge together and make a corn cob log effect. Jonathan had a more realistic vision of just a massive case of corn diarrhea. Needless to say, we're willing to try it and find out just what happens. It was going to be for a week, but after asking some nutritional experts, decided 3 days would be a safer idea. What'll happen? Only time will tell.

Day 1 of Corn Experiment.
I'm starving. Corn is like the least filling food in the universe. It probably doesnt help I haven't eaten til now... had to go buy corn after work. Whoops! So far, so good, though. Not dying, although I've felt a couple cramps. Those might be due to hunger. Other than that, things are pretty normal. Corn is pretty good.

Day 2 of corn experiment.
I miss real food so bad. I'm so glad we decided to do this for 3 days instead of a freaking week. Corn surprisingly still tastes pretty good, but it is now proven that it is in no way filling. I just had a 16 oz. bag about a half an hour ago and am once again hungry. Its been a pretty sucky existence, I keep getting offered delicious food and it is getting turned down. But the end is in sight! Hopefully soon we will have clear results.

Day 3 of corn experiment.
So I had a breakthrough. No literally, a freaking breakthrough. Corn is one impatient mother. So I was finally feeling something coming up to bat. Well, being one to hold it until I KNOW it's going to come out, I decide to wait. I let a few farts slip out. One was really warm. REALLY warm. Way too warm for a fart. I shift my weight and realize there's more to this warmth then meets the feel. So I waddle to the bathroom... like I said, corn is one impatient mother. For the first time in like a decade I crapped a bit in my pants. Now you gotta understand, this isn't your average crap. This is 100% unadulterated corn dump. And holy freak, I mean dump. It feels like hot, wet evil erupting from the bunghole. I stand up and see this array of corn and yellow poo swirling inside the toilet. When wiping I further concluded that aside from the two clumps that popped out (as well as the numerous corns) the poo consisted of this tan liquid that kinda reminded me of varnish. And it was EVERYWHERE. I wiped in a safe distance outside of the crack and STILL managed to streak some across my hand. This stuff was like paint. Wiping alone wouldn't take it off. You had to scrub to get this muck off. And it smelled so weird. It smelled like hospitals and paint remover. It seeped through my boxers easily and stained into my jeans. Not just the inside, but the outside, too. After cleaning myself, the toilet AND the floors, I can safely say that corn gives a deadly dose of diarrhea. I was really rooting for that corn cob effect, but hey, you go against Sneddy, and you're bound to get corn diarrhea. Would I do it again? Probably never, but maybe if I felt like it. Enjoy my misery, you sick bastards.



2 comments:

  1. Hahahahaha freeaaaak that is hilariously disgusting.

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  2. HAHAHA That last part was so descriptive! XD it painted a VERY vivid painting into my head. Then I scroll down to see almost exactly what I had imagined... Your poop... My thought process: O.o "That's.... yummy. (-_-)

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